初中英语短句笑话

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1、Osama Bin Laden, a Canadian, and President Bush were walking down the street when they saw a golden lamp. They rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "I will grant each one a wish that’s 3 together." The Canadian said, "I am a father and my son will be a farmer so I want the soil in Canada to be forever fertile." The genie said the magic words and the wish came true. Osama looked amazed so he wished for a wall around Afghanistan the genie said the magic words and again the wish came true. President Bush said "Genie, tell me more about this wall," the genie said,” It’s 50 feet thick and 500 feet tall so nothing can get in and nothing can get out." President Bush said,” Wow! That’s a big bridge...Fill it with water!!!

拉登,一加拿大人还有布什总统走在大街上看到一盏金色的灯.他们擦了擦灯出现了一个精灵.精灵说:"我要满足你们每人一个愿望总共三个."加拿大人说:"我是个父亲我儿子将成为农夫,因此我想让加拿大的土地永远肥沃."精灵说了咒语愿望实现了.拉登看了很惊奇,他希望有座城墙围绕阿富汗.精灵又说了咒语愿望又实现了.布什总统问:"精灵请告诉我关于这座墙的事情."精灵回答:"墙厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而里面的任何东西出不来外面的任何东西进不去."布什总统说:"哇!那是座大桥耶...注满水!!!"

2、Once two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"First, you should make sure that he is already dead." Then the operator heard a gunshot from the other end of the phone and next he heard the hunter asking:"What should I do next?"

两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？”

3、Let me take it down

An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ."

"Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."

为我所用

一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。”

“请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”老鼠说。“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。

4、Watering Flower In Rain

Tom:Why doyou have that watering can?

Dan:I'm going to water the flowers.

Tom:But it'd raining.

Dan:That's OK.I'm wear-ing my raincoat.

雨天浇花

汤姆：你拿喷壶做什么？

丹：我要去浇花。

汤姆：可是，在下雨呀！

丹：没关系，我穿着雨衣呢！

5、Two birls

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

6 、he Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

鱼网

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

7、The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

新老师

9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。

"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。

"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"

8、 A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.

The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?

Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

一次物理考试

在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。

这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？

尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。

9

Too Fast or Too Slow

A man was driving at 130 miles an hour when a policeman overtook him.

"Was I driving too fast,officer?"the man asked.

"NO,"the policeman answered,"You were flying too slow."

太慢或太快

一个男人正在以130英里每小时的速度行驶，当一个警察看见他时，

他问：“我开的太快了吗？警官。”

“不”，警察说，“你飞的太慢了。”

10Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

11 Nest and Hair

My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.

"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.

"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.

"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .

"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "

Notes:

(1) inform v.告诉

(2) nest n.窝；巢

(3) description n.描述

(4) encourage v.鼓励

(5) resemble v. 相似；类似

鸟窝与头发

我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外 的树上垒了个窝。

“是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。

“我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。

“那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。

“哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。”

求一篇英语笑话，要求简单的容易背下来，两个人（男的）对话形式，两人背诵6分钟左右完成.

入门级抖包袱：

在一个国际学生很多的大学里，教授问：“ Please share your opinions on the spread of food shortage problems in other countries.”

African students：what is food?

European students：what is shortage？

U.S. students：what are other countries?

Chinese students：what are personal opinions？

实力抖包袱 ：

1 .-What do you call a fish with no eye?

-Fsh.

2.I’m going to stand outside.

So if anyone asks.

I am outstanding.

3.-Why did Adele cross the road?

-To say hello from the other side.

A：好无聊啊～我给你讲笑话吧！

A: good boring ah ~ I tell you a joke!

Q：好啊。

Q: yes.

A：从前有一只小绵羊，有一天他出去玩，结果碰上了大灰狼。大灰狼说：“我要吃掉你！”你猜最后怎么了？

A: Once upon a time there was a small sheep, one day he went out to play, the results met the wolf. The wolf said: " I want to eat you! " You guess what?

Q:恩？怎么啦？

Q: well? What's going on?

A：结果大灰狼把小绵羊吃了呗！

A: results of the wolf took the little sheep to eat it!

Q：俄……

Q: russia ... ...

A:呵呵。接着讲。有一只公鹿，他走着走着，越走越快，最后他变成了高速公路（公鹿）。哈哈．．．

A: oh. Then tell. A deer, he walked, walked faster and faster, he finally became a freeway ( male deer ). Ha-ha.

Q无语（心里那个寒阿...）

Q speechless ( mind the cold ... )

A：嘿嘿。有两个香蕉一前一后走在大街上，前面那个突然说：“好热阿！偶要把外套脱掉！”然后后面那个香蕉就摔倒了。

A: hey. There are two bananas, one before and one after walking in the street, in front of that suddenly said: " a good heat! Threw off his coat! " Then the banana fell behind.

Q：呵呵...（接着寒．．．）

Q: Oh... ( then cold... )

A：你猜一下，一只兔子和一只跑得很快的乌龟赛跑，最后谁赢了？

Q：兔子吧。

A: you guess, a hare and a fast race the tortoise, who won at last?

Q: bunny.

A：错！是乌龟啦！

A: wrong! Is the tortoise!

Q：为什么？

Q: why?

A：前面不是说那是一只跑得很快的乌龟嘛，他跑得很快很快拉~

A: front than saying that it is a fast turtle, he ran very fast pull ~

Q打了一个喷嚏（寒...）

Q a sneeze ( cold... )

A：那兔子不甘心，又和一只戴了眼镜的乌龟比赛跑步，你说这回谁赢了？

A: the rabbit can not be reconciled, and a wearing glasses tortoise game running, you said this time who won?

Q：这回应该是兔子了吧？

Q: This is a rabbit?

A：又错啦！还是乌龟！

A: wrong again! Or the tortoise!

Q：嗯？为什么？

Q: well? Why?

A：那只乌龟把墨镜一摘，耶，还是那只跑得很快很快的乌龟阿！

A: the turtle pulled sunglasses a pick, yeah, or that only ran very fast very quick tortoise a!

Q:天啊！！！（脸已僵住...接着寒...）

Q: days!!! ( face has catalepsy ... Then cold... )

A：接着讲哦。一个男人不小心把他刚开的工资弄丢了，回家后，她妻子火冒三丈，骂了他将近一个钟头呢。终于，她妻子停止骂他了，问他：“要是你连续三天看不到我，你有何感想？”那男人脱口而出：“感觉会很好的。” 结果呢，第一天他没看到他的妻子。第二、三天也没看到他的妻子。终于在第四天，肿消了些，他能勉强在左眼角看到他妻子一点点了。哈哈哈，是不是很好笑阿？哈哈哈哈……

A: then say oh. A man accidentally put him just wages lost, after coming home, her wife fly into a rage, scolded him for nearly an hour. Finally, her wife to stop scolding him, ask him: "if the three day in a row you can not see me, what about you? " The man escape one's lips: " the feeling will be very good. " As a result, the first day he didn't see his wife. Second, three days did not see his wife. Finally on the fourth day, the swelling has gone down, he can barely in the left corner to see his wife a little. Ha ha ha, is it right? Funny? Ha ha ha ha ... ...

Q：＠＃＆＊￥％……

Q: @ $ % & * ... ...

A:呵呵。从前有一只鸟，它每天都会经过一片玉米地，可是有一天，那片玉米地发生了火灾，玉米全都变成了爆米花。当那只小鸟飞过去的时候，以为下雪了，结果就冻死了。多可笑阿。哈哈。

A: oh. Once upon a time there was a bird, it can pass through a cornfield, but one day, the cornfield fires all became popcorn, corn. When the bird flew past, that the snow, the freezing to death. Funny a. Ha-ha.

Q：嗯...（开始流鼻涕...）

Q: Well... ( runny nose ... )

A：嗯？你感冒了？回家吃药阿！

A: well? You have a cold? Taking a home!

Q：好。（其实是想说只要你闭嘴我就没事了...）

Q: good. ( in fact, is to say as long as you shut up. I'll be fine ... )

A：其实前面那几个还不算太好笑阿，我前两天在书上看了一个笑话，很好笑的，要不要听啊？

A: actually in front of that is not funny, I two days before the book saw a jokes, funny, like to listen to?

Q：不用了吧，呵呵，那几个已经很好笑了，呵呵．．．（怕被冻死...）

Q: you say, oh, that was funny, huh... (fear of being killed ... )

A：哎呀，没关系的，我讲喽！有一回，土豆和年糕打架，土豆很生气，一脚就把年糕踢到海里了。

A: Oh, never mind, I said! Once new year cake, potato and potato fight, very angry, he took the New Year cake kicked into the sea.

Q：哦...然后呢？

Q: Oh... Then?

A：讲完了阿，下面讲第二个。

A: finished a, the second.

Q（欲哭无泪啊...）

Q ( no more tears to cry ... )

A：从前有一对恋人，在他们决定结婚的时候，那男生需要服兵役。他们便到了海边，说好三年后的这一天在海边相见，男孩并给了女孩一枚戒指作为婚戒。可是，三年过去了，那女孩并没有等到男孩，她很伤心，便把戒指丢进了大海里。其实是女孩误解了约会地点，男孩一直在等她。可是就这样错过了，成为了遗憾。男孩也很伤心，便决定住在海边等女孩。有一天他出去打鱼，你猜他打到了什么？ .

A: once there was a lover, in their decision to get married when, the boy to military service. They went to the seaside, that three years after the a day at the beach boys meet, and gave the girl a ring as a wedding ring. However, three years later, the girl did not wait for the boy, she is very sad, he drops the ring into the sea. Is the girl misunderstood dating sites, the boy has been waiting for her. But just missed, became a regret. The boy was sad, and decided to live near the sea, girl. One day he went out fishing, you guess he hit? .

Q：戒指吗？

Q: ring?

A：不是拉！是年糕阿！哈哈哈哈哈......

A : no! Is a new year cake! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ... ...

Q：真冷啊...

Q: it's really cold ...

A：还是那对恋人。有一天男孩听说女孩要结婚了，十分伤心，便把自己那枚婚戒也丢进了海里。几天后，他打了一条鱼吃。刚夹了一口鱼，便咬到一个很硬的东西，吐出来一看，你猜他看到了什么

A: or the lovers. One day the boy heard a girl to get married, very sad, took his ring lost into the sea. A few days later, he hit a fish to eat. Just clip a mouth of the fish, he bit into a very hard thing, spit out, guess what he saw

Q:戒指吗？

Q: ring?

A：不是！

A: no!

Q：年糕吗？

Q: New Year cake?

A:哈，怎么会是年糕呢。

A: ha, how will be the New Year cake.

Q：那是什么？

Q: what is it?

A：鱼骨头呗！ 终于Q挺不住了，感冒了一个多礼拜...

A: fish bones! Finally Q hold, cold for more than a week ...

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